I just haven’t been feeling it this week. I’m tired. I feel overwhelmed.

It hit me this afternoon. I haven’t been reading my devotional or writing my thoughts out. It’s been 6 days!

At our Holy Thursday service tonight, we read and learned more about Jesus washing the feet of His disciples. Tonight, as I sit down to write, I see that is also the passage that was slated for today’s word. Serve.

13 It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.
² The evening meal was in progress, and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. ³ Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; ⁴ so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. ⁵ After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.
⁶ He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?”
⁷ Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

John 13:1-7

Isn’t it in all things that when we feel overwhelmed, tired, fried, we think God has overlooked us. It’s then that you should hear him whispering to you, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

This week has been state testing at school. I could hop on a soap box right now and tell you all how I feel about testing students with disabilities at the level in which they SHOULD be performing instead of at their level where they are performing, but that would get me off track. (Although I think a lot of my unrest comes to watching my students struggle through these 2 weeks of state testing.)

This week also seems like my kids can’t get along. I mean, like, really can’t get along. It felt as though I couldn’t even get the car door closed when picking them up after school and they were fighting, pinching, hitting, arguing, crying, and just being all out mean to each other.

One of my students ended up in the hospital this week and is really sick. Trying to raise her up in prayer and keep it together while teaching is tough.

I slept over 12 hours on Sunday. I have slept like a baby every night this week. But yet, I feel tired.

But in these crazy tired days, I have found a handful of moments where I knew God was talking between the craziness.

I knew I was so tired I could barely read a book last night to Kirby, but when Kirby realized that the books we were reading were by an author of other books he has read, he was excited. I found so much energy in his excitement. We plowed right through those three books, but not without some very cool “mama” moments where I sat back in awe of all this little guy knows and all of his insight into the world around him.

Having some beefs with the teenager of the house this week didn’t really help either. But last night as he flopped down into bed. I rubbed his back and said “Good night!” He rolled over and shared how scared he was that he was going to do worse on his math test the next day when he was retaking the sections he failed earlier in the week. I told him not to worry – his previous score was the result of easy mistakes. I told him to go back and recheck his work with his calculator before turning it in again. Tonight he shared that he went back through each problem and made sure it was right before he turned it in. I saw his confidence back in those eyes.

A friend of mine had a but of a rough spot this week. I ran some errands and picked up dinner for her to help her out. My night was crazy already, but stopping to help her made me stop and take in the rush of the night in a different light. My kids saw me help out someone in need. My kids knew I was already crazy that night, but they took notice of how helping someone made our already crazy night just that much better.

I could have cried a few times this week. But as I look back, I wouldn’t change the crazy, tired, exhaustion for the world as I learned new things and was able to help others this week. Had I not listened to God’s whisper,
“You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

It feels good tonight to sit down and write too. I think the groundedness of my evenings this Lenten season has helped me process through life and take a few steps back to reflect on all that is around me. It has made me a better person.

I know Lent is almost over, and I know I missed 6 days, but again I learned to listen to the whisper, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” Seeing my posts as a chore this week gave me the power to dismiss doing them. But, in the long run, I learned my lesson. Only took me 6 days.

Tonight as I was getting stuff ready in the house, Kirby came running in the house yelling, “Mommy, come out here! It’s beautiful!” Sure as shooting, God was painting the sky with an amazing sunset.

I read this somewhere this week… God is always doing 10,000 things in your life and you may be aware of three of them.

Truth.

Tonight’s prayer: PRAYER God of love, open my eyes so that I can find ways to serve others and embody the love you have showered upon me. In your name, I pray. Amen